There's two ways to go about this. I could sugarcoat my words and douse them in glitter. Convincing you how amazing life is going for me and hype you up for what is to come. Or I could vomit the negative sides of these past few weeks and go into depth about the crippling stress and dread for the disappointments to come in the future. But the truth about life is that it's a balanced mix of both the highs and the lows. Maybe for some there are actual in-betweens. For me I'm either so happy I'm crying tears of joy or so low my mental health spirals out of control. The good news is I can lay awake at night with the knowledge that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
In summary Gray and I are no longer romantic partners, I've started a band with my closest friends, gotten back into artistic work and writing, sat with myself and had fascinating epiphanies, things are going great but also not. Through these experiences I have learned valuable life lessons that I would pass down to my kids if I had any.
Through my experiences with Gray I learned a lot about coming to terms with my own sexuality, the definite differences between relationships as a teen vs. as an adult, and the importance of strong communication. I've also learned a lot about heteronormativity and how much I disagree with it. I also got a taste of bragging rights and parading a glittering façade through social media but slowly learned it's not a necessity. Just a temporary thrill worth trying out. What matters is not how much you can show off your significant other but how you can consistently continue to make them feel appreciated even when obstacles come your way.
In lighter news starting up the CMMND SHFTS started as a joke but through determination quickly became a reality. Things are looking up for us thanks to serious networking. Pretty soon we'll be dropping a hot mix-tape. We recently got together for a jam session and team-bonding and I felt absolutely alive. I do hope neither of us succumb to the siren calls from fame and capitalism. The point of creating the band was for fun, silliness, and the undying love for our different but somewhat similar music tastes and I pray it stays that way. If it doesn't some please slap me with a fish.
As far as artistic work goes I can say with confidence one of three novels will be released by early 2018, my Deviantart accounts will be updated, and I'll have my official portfolio up and running (I think most of you found my blog through my portfolio site if I didn't pester you in person haha) I realistically can't promise that my youtube channel will have more content but ideas have been on the board for a while now and it couldn't hurt to replace the videos I've deleted.
Despite all this positivity I'm actually quite terrified of the uncertainty that the future holds. I am constantly haunted by the drastic difference between the expectations I believe my family holds for me and the expectations I have for myself. I almost broke down thinking about the fear of disappointing them and the realization that they may have never seen the confident side of me displayed at work and school.
My mental health is something else entirely. Part of me writes this blog post with glitter and happiness whereas the other vomits negativity then gets distracted and spirals, then succumbs to anxiety and fear of judgement and hate comments. I feel that someone out there would argue I'm screaming for help whereas someone else would argue I'm exposing the truth about mental health and accurately depicting the struggles.
Unexplained topic shift. My goals are to upload more videos, start/finish more portfolio pieces, blog more frequently, write 1000 words a day, read more, and eventually develop a clear sense of where to go with my life. Clearly one of these goals is not like the other. We'll see what the future holds.
-Just Jane
"The ones who are crazy enough to think they can chance the world, are the ones that do."
-Anonymous
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