Hello readers, I have returned from my traditional, temporary hiatus. Recently everything has reset. I lost another partner, two year's worth of files (hard drive gave up on life and wasn't backed up) and final drafts of my novels, a few books covers, some graphic design work, etc. My best friend moved out and for a while I felt like my world had crumbled. Every day I was thrown off and emotional stability seemed out of reach.
That sounds tragic doesn't it? Well, in the grand scheme of things it wasn't and I have no doubt everything happened for a reason. The way I see it I simply had to start over. New school, new routines, re-branded band, and more time to properly market and edit my books.
I was a few hours late to orientation at my new school because I thought it was on Saturday instead of Friday. At the moment I realized I needed to wake up and get my head back into the game. I had to focus on myself, go back to the productive person I once was. The fearless president everyone praised and looked up to. Focused and goal-oriented, over achieving and consistently confident.
Due to the changes in morning routine my anxiety has been off the charts. Being tossed into a new environment has awakened my crippling shyness but I forced myself to say hello to the people around me. To reach out and say what was on my mind. To compliment people and start conversations. And through this I regained lost confidence, formed new friendships, and of course, me being me I took another shot at romantically pursuing another beautiful human being. Nobokov once said
In other news I am planning a trip to Barcelona in 2022 to meet with my long distance online friends. I've found a niche of people on the other side of the world that believed in me more than I believed in myself. I preach, and preach, and preach, the importance of believing in yourself and that it's you who can do this blah blah blah. However, for me I just needed on small push of encouragement to get back on track and have confidence in myself. And the overwhelming support and love from a long distance was strong enough to push me.
All in all I look forward to seeing what happens next.
-JustJane
"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
-Walt Disney
That sounds tragic doesn't it? Well, in the grand scheme of things it wasn't and I have no doubt everything happened for a reason. The way I see it I simply had to start over. New school, new routines, re-branded band, and more time to properly market and edit my books.
I was a few hours late to orientation at my new school because I thought it was on Saturday instead of Friday. At the moment I realized I needed to wake up and get my head back into the game. I had to focus on myself, go back to the productive person I once was. The fearless president everyone praised and looked up to. Focused and goal-oriented, over achieving and consistently confident.
Due to the changes in morning routine my anxiety has been off the charts. Being tossed into a new environment has awakened my crippling shyness but I forced myself to say hello to the people around me. To reach out and say what was on my mind. To compliment people and start conversations. And through this I regained lost confidence, formed new friendships, and of course, me being me I took another shot at romantically pursuing another beautiful human being. Nobokov once said
"It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight."
I don't know what will come of this. Where we will go, how intense my feelings will end up being, or how much can change over the course of the next year. All I know is that he has everything to do with why there's a bounce in my step in the early morning. That my perception of romance isn't as bitter. That my hands flow more freely when I'm indulging in art and writing. In other words; I've found my muse.
In other news I am planning a trip to Barcelona in 2022 to meet with my long distance online friends. I've found a niche of people on the other side of the world that believed in me more than I believed in myself. I preach, and preach, and preach, the importance of believing in yourself and that it's you who can do this blah blah blah. However, for me I just needed on small push of encouragement to get back on track and have confidence in myself. And the overwhelming support and love from a long distance was strong enough to push me.
All in all I look forward to seeing what happens next.
-JustJane
"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
-Walt Disney
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